Insane YYH Poetry
by Rashomon Aetelier
Summary: Insane poet, CF-kun, goes nuts with writing hillarious (and slightly insulting) poetry about YYH cast members. More upon request. n_n
1. Hiei the porcupine

CF: Welcome to the first part of IYP! I'm your host, Cicero Kharan and  
the author of these insane poems! Now, let's get right to the first  
poem.   
*Gets handed a fishbowl with papers*  
CF: My first victim is gonna be... *pulls name out* How wonderful! Hiei!  
Get over here!  
*Hiei gets pulled onscreen*  
Hiei: ...  
CF: Hai! Let the poetry begin!!  
  
Hiei-kun is a porcupine  
With spikes up on his head  
He's the guy I'd like to fight  
And I wish he was dead.  
  
One day I'd tie him up  
And send him to the moon.  
Oh precious time fly on  
So that day would come soon.  
  
Hiei-kun is a porcupine  
And girls love chasing him.  
Even if he doesn't like it  
They do his every whim.  
  
I know there are a lot  
Of Hiei fangirls on ff.net alone  
But no flames, I beg you  
And my murder, please postpone.  
  
Hiei-kun is a porcupine  
And that's the gospel truth.  
Before the fangirls hunt me down,  
I'd better start to scoot!!  
  
-OWARI- 


	2. Kurama the thieving youko

CF: *catches breath* You'll never catch me, girls!! *fixes self* Ok, now  
where were we? Oh yes.   
*reaches into fishbowl again*  
CF: This one's a request from my friend, Raiha Arashi who wants me to   
do everyone's favorite, Kurama!  
Kurama: Uh...well...  
CF: Don't worry! It'll be fine! :D  
*Gulps as fangirls in audience pull out rotten tomatoes*  
  
Kurama's a thieving wolf  
And that as much is true.  
But since he's such a pretty boy,  
Fangirls chase him, too!  
  
There's an ongoing debate  
On which Kurama is cuter.  
Shuuichi, the redhead girly one  
Or Youko K, the looter.  
  
Kurama's a thieving wolf;  
A youko who loves to play.  
But that's where yaoi fics come from  
And his pair-up's with Hiei.  
  
And since he looks just like a girl,  
Kurama's usually the uke.  
Oh, just once I'd like to see   
A fic where he's the seme.  
  
Kurama's a thieving wolf  
And Hiei's a porcupine.  
Uh oh, fangirls coming up again  
So I must end this rhyme.  
-OWARI- 


	3. Mukuro or rather it should have been

*A note is handed to CF*  
CF: What's this? Another request? It's from...'KARI?!  
Kari: *pops up* H'lo!  
CF: You want me to do Mukuro? -_-''  
Kari: That's right! :D  
CF: No!! You can't make me!! You can't! I won't!!  
*Kari ties up CF in a chair*  
Kari: write...or else.  
CF: Or else what?!  
Kari: Or else I throw Mukuro's unscathed side into acid!  
CF: I don't care! I love her for more than her beauty!  
Mukuro: CF-kun! How could you be so cold?!  
CF: But I must preserve your dignity!  
Kari: Write!!  
CF: Alright! I will!!  
  
Mukuro is my one true love  
Now everyone's grossed out.  
I hope this doesn't lose readers  
Who wanna know what this is about.  
  
This is why I hate Hiei,  
that little porcupine.  
For her highness' affections,  
We'll fight time afetr time.  
  
Mukuro is my one true love  
I'm sorry for the insult.  
But if I didn't write it I'd  
Be bashed by the Hiei fan-cult.  
  
I cna't say that she's stupid  
As a psychologist, she's smart.  
(That's why one of my poems here  
Is on my want to win her heart)  
So...  
  
Mukuro is my one true love  
But one insult I'll bear.  
That youkai is a prissy bitch.  
I'm sorry, love. So there!  
  
Kari: Eh...so-so.  
CF: Cicero-kun has to iron her ears now, sir... @_@  
-OWARI- 


	4. Yomi the senile goat

CF: Well, now that's over, back to the fishbowl. That last poem left a   
bitter tast in my mouth so I hope it's someone I really wanna   
laugh at.  
*pulls out a name*  
CF: Wonderful! It's Yomi!!  
Yomi: M...me?!  
CF: That's right! You! :3  
Mukuro: Go on, CF-kun. You've already insulted me.  
CF: Gomenasai, my love... @_@  
  
Yomi is a senile goat  
As my beloved likes to say.  
I'll make this one really good  
So readers, please just stay.  
  
They've called Yomi lots of names.  
Blind goat, among other things.  
I've noticed, though, in loads of fics  
It's Mukuro who does the insulting.  
  
Yomi is a senile goat  
And he calls Mukuro a bitch.  
So childish namecalling goes on  
From the horned one and the witch.  
  
Through all these insults, though  
I see alot of YxM fics.  
Is it in hating that they love?  
It makes me stop and think.  
  
Yomi is a senile goat  
So now, my claim to fame.  
I challenge you, you horned thing  
To a normal stare-down game!  
-OWARI- 


	5. Chu the drunk

CF: Kay! For everyone who likes sake, I'm gonna do Chu next!  
  
Chu is a heavy drinker  
Who drinks all day and night.  
He drnks when he is sober  
And right before a fight.  
  
He always smells like sake,   
No matter where he goes.  
Oh what a torture Chu-san is  
To a youkai's nose.  
  
Chu is a heavy drinker.  
I wonder if he thinks straight.  
If your brain's filled with alcohol  
Your thoughts kinda come late.  
  
When he first fought with Yusuke,  
I wonder how much he drank.  
A sip of sake? One cup? Two?  
Or perhaps a whole tank?  
  
Chu is a heavy drinker  
And he loves to get drunk.  
I don't think I'd survive.  
'Coz in drinking, I have stunk.  
-OWARI- 


	6. Shigure and his ring thingie

CF: Haha! Doumo for the reviews! I'm glad you guys like it so far. I'm  
moving on to a poem that touches on MUkuro's bodyguard named  
Shigure and his...donut...er...bangle...er... whatever it is.  
*For those who don't remember Shigure, he fought with Hiei and he fought  
with Kurama in the Makai tournament.*  
  
Shigure brings a hula hoop  
Everywhere he goes.  
And if he reads my poem,  
He'd bloody-up my nose.  
  
"It's not a hula hoop" He'd say  
So loud so I could hear.  
"It's made of boar, you stupid ass.  
And the horns of mountain deer!"  
  
Shigure brings a hula hoop,  
A really cool round thing.  
I wonder who could play  
With such a sharpened thing.  
  
"It's not a hula hoop!"  
Again I'd hear him cry.  
And then I'd scream and run away  
As he will let it fly.  
  
Shigure brings a hula hoop  
And now it's chasing me.  
I wonder how long 'til  
I can climb down from this tree.  
-OWARI- 


	7. Botan and the magical flying oar

CF: Well, that was fun! So far, IYP seems to be a pretty big hit! n_n  
Hisui: *Pops up* Hi C!  
CF: Oh, 'Sui-chan! Welcome to IYP!  
*turns to camera*  
CF: Everyone, this is my friend from school, Hisui.  
*'Sui waves to crowd*  
Hisui: Ey, do you have anything on Botan?  
CF: Well, I'll try...  
  
Botan must own a canoe  
Because she has an oar.  
If she doesn't have one,  
I wonder what it's for.  
  
I know she uses it to fly  
But hey, that's not my point.  
Does she use it for boating too?  
And did she get it in a boating joint?  
  
Botan must own a canoe  
Or perhaps a wooden raft.  
And why doesn't she use the boat  
As her current flying craft?  
  
Soooo....  
  
Botan must own a canoe  
But why not a flying boat?  
No wonder why in Reikai  
They don't have a palace moat.  
-OWARI-  
  
*To my readers, thanks for yer support. I won't try to be THAT insulting  
next time. n_nx 


	8. Shishiwakamaru and his looooong name

CF: Ne, Koeke14! Thanks for your support! I'm so glad you like my poetry!  
Anyway, back to the fishbowl.  
*Pulls out name*  
Goodness gracious, what a challenge! Shishiwakamaru!!  
*Crowd goes wild, banners & placards with Shishi's name and carried by  
his fans appear out of nowhere*  
CF: I'd better make this good... *feels intimidated*  
  
Wakamaru's name is long  
And I didn't add the Shishi..  
The poem would have its phrasing  
And it won't be right, y'see.  
  
No matter how many letters  
Are in poor Waksi's name,  
It's hard to make a poem  
But I'll try just the same.  
  
Wakamaru's name is long,  
I hope I spelled it right.  
He's got a million fangirls  
Whom I don't want to fight.  
  
Hey, I'm doing pretty well!  
I think I'm almost done.  
It didn't turn out half as bad   
And I'm even having fun.  
  
Wakamaru's name is long  
And it has 14 ketters.  
If I had put the Shishi in,  
This poem might have been better.  
-OWARI- 


	9. Raizen and his looooong hair

CF: Akari! Your request is coming up! Thanks for your support.   
Raizen: Oh no...Cicero-san..what are you planning to do to me?  
CF: *Pulls out styling mousse* Hehehhehehe....  
  
Raizen has such nice long hair.  
I wish I had a brush.  
If it wasn't for his appetite,  
His hair, I'd like to muss.  
  
He's got such nice silky hair.  
Does he use head and shoulders?  
Or maybe he uses pantene  
And puts it up in rollers!  
  
Raizen has such nice long hair  
And some really cool tatoos.  
But I really wnna mess his strands  
And re-style them with some mousse.  
  
I wonder how much it would cost   
To bring him to a barber.  
Hmm...perhaps a makeover  
Would make his hair much harder.  
  
Raizen has such nice long hair  
But why don't his monks have any?  
They're monks, you ninny What do you think?  
Afros, pink and purply?  
-OWARI- 


	10. Kuwabara is my coleslaw

CF: Nyehehehe....Raizen-kun! Be happy I didn't touch your hair..  
Raizen: *grumbles*  
CF: OK! Our next request comes from Shorty-chan! *Peers at request*  
Kuwabara? Ohhh...I'm gonna have OODLES of fun!  
  
Kuwabara-kun's got flaming hair  
A carrot-top? You bet!  
I have the sudden craving to  
Serve it with vinigrette. (Did I spell that right?)  
  
He calls Hiei a shrimp.  
Together cocktail would make.  
Shrimp and carrot coleslaw  
With a slice of Coffee cake!  
  
Kuwabara-kun's got flaming hair  
And he like Yukina.  
But why oh why must he yell her name  
And end it with la la la?!  
  
Remember in the movie  
When he heard Yukina was there?  
He turned into a screaming pile  
Of flaming orange hair.  
  
Kuwabara-kun's got flaming hair  
Akari, hope you liked this ditty.  
I love to insult Kwa-kun too.  
I hope this was quite witty! n_n  
-OWARI- 


	11. As requested I give Koenma!

CF: Heeee....so glad to see that people like my work...I would like to apologize  
for the lag in my updates 'coz my server went nutsy on me..  
*looks at the growling Sesshoumaru*  
CF: Sesshie...so glad you could come!! *huggles* Please, make yerself comfy and I'll  
get right to you. Now let's see..  
*looks over paper given by koeke14*  
CF: Ah, yes, from my ever so loyal fan! I'd be glad to write one! So here's the koenma  
poetry as requested by Koeke14. n_n  
  
Koenma needs his bottle  
Wont someone warm it up?  
He needs his little baba soon  
So he can quietly sup.  
  
Enma's just too big and large  
To touch Koenma's drink.  
I don't think that he'd even  
Fit over my sink.  
  
Koenma needs his bottle  
And someone to burp him too.  
Anyone of you oni's wanna?  
C'mon, you motely crew!  
  
No one wants to be caught  
Babysitting Enma's kid.  
It's just not done by demons  
No matter how much you bid.  
  
Koenma needs his bottle.  
Oh look, he's gone to sleep.  
Babies need their rest, too...  
And a diaper change...hoo-eeee....  
-OWARI- 


	12. Has my poetry quality deteriorated?

CF: Sorry took me such a long time to update, folks. I've been busy.   
*winks at Mukuro who blushes a deep shade of maroon* Anyway..  
*checks reviews*  
Shorty's request up next!! Cm'here Yusuke!!!  
  
Yusuke has short hair  
Not at al like his father.  
Raizen's hair is nice and long  
So I'll chase him with a curler!  
  
But I'm not here to laugh at Raizen  
Coz I've done that already.  
Time to laugh at Yusuke-kun  
So people keep me steady.  
  
Yusuke kas short hair  
And Keiko-chan he likes.  
Keiko came from Akane's school  
Of cooking and wasting spice.  
  
Keiko...not yet bashing.  
It's Yusuke's turn to growl.  
But Yusuke has short hair  
So no use raking it with a trowel.  
  
Yusuke has short hair  
And a blue enguin named Puu.  
Who sits up in his hair all day  
Until Yusuke tells it to shoo.  
  
Maybe the poem quality  
Has gone a little down.  
But when I grab this hair gel...  
Yusuke'll never go to town.  
-OWARI- 


End file.
